Enjoy Not Knowing

Just another American living in Sweden


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delayed gratification

The last ”real” blog post I wrote, had the title: semlor, and why I’ve been away. I put real in “bunny quotes” because the book of the month posts are a little outside of your “daily programing” so to speak. Not that BOTM isn’t reall. It is. But those more recent few posts were also lacking a little something extra. (Except the one about The Giver  – that’s some good stuff.)

Side bar: I put “bunny quotes” around “bunny quotes” because I was quoting Gloria from Modern Family. Then I used them around “daily programing” because it’s not actually daily programming, because I’ve never posted daily. And now I’ve hit my quotation mark quota for the blog in just two paragraphs!

Anyway, my brief absence last FEBRUARY (good grief it really has been that long) is nothing compared to my now lengthy absence from my beloved blog. I wish I could also blame this on a food coma. Or a real coma. (More serious, and less funny, but my absence would then be completely understandable, right??)

Let’s get back to the point though. I’ve been gone, but now I’m back! The fun has arrived people, the wait is over, I am HERE!

Seen here first.

Seen here first.

I have a strong feeling that I need to refocus my blog. Just the way I need to refocus my writing.

Get back to the basics.

Let’s Tarantino this bad boy.

There was the New Year’s post, and the things I’ve been up to post (irony aside), my 25 before 25 and the things to do in Sweden.

So my lack of writing clearly isn’t because of a lack of things to write about. I have things to say, people. My problem is finding the time to say it. Like I said at the very beginning of this bad boy, time never seems to be on my side.

But, as my dear friend Brian Andreas would say:

Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life.

Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life.

Side bar: “dear friend” is really just a saying here, unless you define “dear friend” as someone who stalks someone else’s instagram and checks up on their website daily. Which I hope you do not.

And I leave you with that!

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this week

“I have a friend who took all the doors out of his house one summer. It reminds me there’s nothing I have that’s worth hiding, he said. No secrets is the key to world peace. He put them all back on that winter. I decided it was peaceful enough for me, he said.”

– Brian Andreas

 

This week I’ve read some pretty heavy blog entries. Heavy stuff involving abuse, miscarriage, death, rage, blood, pain. It was all in there. This stuff is weighing me down. Makes me walk a little slower. Makes me think. Something that is resonant through these stories I have read, though, include the opposite side of life. Resilience, healing, strength, forgiveness, continuing, love. These things show through. Make me lighter. Allow me to turn my face to the sun and smile. Allows me to accept the warmth that is also in the world.

 

I admire these beautiful women for what they have shared on WordPress of late, and it reminded me of the Brian Andreas quote above.

If you’re interested, here are the posts, however, if you’re already in a crummy mood, maybe just go for a walk instead:


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what are you thinking about?

The other day. It was a Sunday. Evelina and I were relaxing together in our apartment. I love Sunday mornings and the calming pace they bring. The sun was glimmering outside and entered our apartment in that way where you can see thousands of dust particles floating in all directions in the column of light cascading through the window. I had rested my head on her chest and could hear the rhythmic beat that were her valves opening and closing as her heart worked in a slow steady continuous thump. I was enjoying the moment so perfectly.

A Brian Andreas quote slid out from my memory, like a welcome guest arriving right on time.

“Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life.”

For me, time stood still.

Evelina asked, ” what are you thinking about?”

I lovingly replied the quote that had entered my mind, finishing with “…what are you thinking about?”

“Burpees.”

Ew. If you’re not familiar with this particular exercise, I encourage you to go here, to view an instructional video. (Excercise can be performed with or without a push up) Essentially, you start in the standing position, get down on your hands and toes as quickly as possible. Do a push up, get up, and jump as high as you can. Repeat. Quickly. May I repeat, ew.

(picture found here.)


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enjoy not knowing

And so it begins…

I have been somewhat hesitant in starting a blog, but it has always been in the back of my mind as something I want to do. I have been reluctant for many reasons (or two) and these are they:

  1. Time. These days I barely have enough time to get all my meals in, after work, hockey, and pretending to learn Swedish is out of the way. (I say pretend because when you’re at work for 8 hours and the rink for 5 there’s only enough energy left for pretending, not actual learning.) So, how can I expect myself to compose short essays at somewhat frequent intervals? High hopes. And, while I thoroughly enjoy reading my friends’ blogs, I also get behind from time to time, and have a few to read at once. My fear is that I’ll get behind on both my reading and my writing…and then it’ll be 10th grade English with Mrs. Auciello all over again. No one should have to experience that twice.
  2. What if no one reads it? I mean the point of a blog is for people to read it, right? Well, going back to my time argument above, what if no one I know has the time to read my blog? And plus I’m just not that entertaining. But after listening to Tina Fey’s autiobook “Bossypants” she taught me something. ‘Do your thing, don’t care if they like it.’ Great advice. (Bossypants is currently available on iTunes.) Plus, there’s always my mother.

In this, my first post, I will address the blog title. ‘Enjoy Not Knowing’ is something I’ve gotten from the one Brian Andreas, the creative mind behind Story People. A fabulous website definitely worth checking out. I will admit I did not discover him on my own. I was in fact made aware of his art, and website through my friends Kyle and Katie. (Whose names I have obviously changed for privacy purposes).

The quote goes as such: “I wish I knew what this means but I wish that about a lot of things so mostly I enjoy not knowing.” And I feel that this is a pretty accurate summation of my life at this point in time. There are all these things going on (both real and imagined) that I am trying to figure out. I’m starting to get the notion that I will not be able to figure things out, so I might as well sit back, let time run it’s course, and I’ll figure it out when I figure it out. If I figure it out. If I don’t, I might as well enjoy not knowing.

So here we go, I hope this goes well. Keep you fingers crossed. Or as they say in Sweden, håll tummarna (literally hold the thumbs – clearly more luck bringing than that finger crossing nonsense.)